When you think of hand costumes, think of me

I think it was back in '72 when my business partner and I sewed together our first hand costume. It was crude, of course, but it not only gave the illusion that the wearer was a giant hand... but was quite comfortable as it was made from kitten skin. It was really the only thing we found that was soft enough besides baby seal, but thats just fucked up to kill a baby seal. If I catch anyone killing a baby fucking seal, I'll rape them so fast.

Anyway, our overhead was pretty low, considering that we could just find the kittens on the street. Oftentimes, we could lure them out through internet chatrooms. We would have entire nights devoted to roaming the city streets, scanning internet chat rooms, looking for baby kitties. Sometimes we wouldn't find any; sometimes we'd find a boatload. Sometimes it was awesome, we would find the kitten already dead. That way, we wouldn't have to bludgeon it ourselves. We bludgeoned them because we didn't want any bullet holes or knife marks on our hand costumes, as that would deter prospective hand costume buyers.

The trouble came when the unthinkable happened. The trend caught on. Almost overnight everyone and everybody's dad wanted one of these things; orders were piling up faster than we could produce. We couldn't possibly find all the kittens we needed for all these coats. No, it was time to move onto something that was equally as soft, but more abundant... something that we could re-produce in our own backyard with little to no effort. Thats how we moved on to baby bunnies.

Baby bunnies are a lot harder to catch that kittens. Most kittens are pretty trusting and will walk right into your arms, making the kill a little easier, albeit a little less rewarding. No, the bunnies we'd have to chase. Sometimes it was easier to just break their neck than to hit them with blunt objects, so you didn't have to loosen your grip once you caught them.

Yes, those were good times. That was until my partner grew hungry for more.

THE END

...or is it?